There are 2 main characters in my story, named Samantha and Gregory. They are married with two children, ages 14 and 18. Every time when Gregory returns home from work, he would look forward to having a proper homemade dinner with his family. However, because Samantha is a modern career woman and is ever more occupied with her work after her recent promotion, she has been coming home even later than Gregory for the past two months. Their children are also busy with exams. Gregory is starting to feel neglected by his family and wishes his wife could care for him more. Hence, when Samantha reached home, he asked, "Can you cut some fruits for me?" Samantha was really worn out by work then and was not keen on doing it. She felt that Gregory did not understand the demands of her work and was imposing his expectations on her to serve him. At first she bottled her grievances and obliged him. However, Gregory could see her unwillingness through her body language and was disappointed with her. Eventually both of them reached their tolerance limit and exploded with unhappiness towards each other.
The main problem is Gregory is receiving less than the attention he needs. The couple seldom sees each other now that Samantha has advanced in her career. There is also a lack of mutual understanding. Samantha misunderstood Gregory that by requesting her to cut fruits for him, he is being insensitive and expects her to serve him even after a long working day. The misunderstanding is most possibly due to Gregory's tone of voice. It is said that majority of the strain in relationships is caused by the wrong tone of voice. Gregory may have unintentionally sounded too demanding. Another likely reason is the couple has too high expectations of each other. Gregory expects more time and concern from Samantha while Samantha expects him to be more sensitive. She should have told him her feelings right from the start; bottling it up would only accumulate her unhappiness. It could also be that Samantha and Gregory have different primary love languages. There are five main love languages: touch, gifts, quality time, acts of service and words of appreciation. Gregory's could be acts of service while Samantha's could be words of appreciation. Hence, without understanding what each other's primary love language is, they would not be able to let each other feel loved as their form of showing concern is not effectively received by the other.
Dear friends, how can the family help themselves stay closely bonded regardless of their differences and busy schedules?
Hello Wanqi!
ReplyDeleteI think the family should make it a point to sit down and discuss such issues. Sometimes, busy schedules might not give much room for such discussions. But I feel that if the family members value each other, then finding time to resolve their interpersonal conflicts shouldn't be a big problem.
In the situation you have described, I think the main problem is that the couple did not discuss their feelings. They formulated their own opinions and stuck by them. And this then resulted in them feeling unhappiness towards each other.
Sometimes, we have to make an effort to communicate, non?
Hi Wanqi!
ReplyDeleteI feel that instead of asking his wife to cut fruits for him, he should instead talk to his wife about how he felt. I am sure no matter how busy one is with work, weekends at least should be left for the family. This is precisely the fact for a 5 day work week isn't it?=)
There are many repercussions in this situation as not only the couple is involved, the children are indirectly involved too. As parents, they learn to spare a thought for their children. Moreover, their children are still young and it is not good to traumatise them with constant quarrels. Thus in the end, no one benefits from this situation.
Instead, sitting down to talk would still be a better solution. If possible, maybe they should try to eat dinner together every alternate days whereby they can bring back their work home to do. At least in this way, they are still able to feel each other's presence and her husband would be able to help her out!
Hi Wanqi,
ReplyDeleteIn a situation like this, I think the family should sit down and discuss the problem they faced. They might be busy on weekdays, but should be able to vacate some time for the discussion on weekends.
Misunderstanding between married couples is a big problem, both Gregory and Samantha have different expectation on the other half. If they had expressed their feelings and expectation to the other, I think this problem would be solved. Since both of they are busy with their career, maybe a pillow talk will help they understand each other more?
Hi Wanqi - this is a really common scenario nowadays isn't it? Both parents need to work to support the family, and the children are busy with schoolwork - no one has time to show that they DO care for each other. And when they try to communicate, they do it poorly, or they get misinterpreted - and conflicts just arise.
ReplyDeleteI agree that sitting down for a proper talk would be the best solution. After all, how would they know that they've been misinterpreting the other party? Then - they would never start to work on improving and maintaining the bonds within the family. They probably need to do some self-reflection to decide which is more important to them - their work or their family. Perhaps they could also decide that whoever is earning less income could afford to focus more of his/her energies on maintaining household duties?
Doing little things to show the other party that they care might help too - for example, if Gregory notices that Samantha would be home late that night, he could be the one cutting fruits for Samantha instead. I am pretty sure Samantha would be touched and respond in a positive manner. At the same time, if Samantha realises that Gregory always ask for fruits after he' s back from work - she might want to cut the fruits whenever she's free and keep the cut fruits in the fridge for him. I think leaving a note to tell him that the fruits are for him would definitely let him feel quite touched and cared for. After all, he would have noticed how busy Samantha is, and hence appreciates her efforts to care for him, wouldn't he?
In this context, since both the children are already in their teens, when they noticed that the relations between their parents are strained - I thinkk they could help matters by talking to each of them separately. I am sure they wouldn't want their parents to end up in a divorce, would they?
|To Puva| Yes, I agree if family members truly value one another, they will find time to sort it out no matter how difficult it is. Two-way communication really needs to be present for relationships to work out =) Thanks for your suggestion!
ReplyDelete|To Franson| Yup weekends are definitely a good time to resolve unhappiness especially when the family goes on outings together. I think it is a really good point when you included the feelings of the children. I guess their children also have a part in making or breaking the relationship between their parents. Perhaps they could have tried to be more involved in family matters and care for their father more so that he would not feel so neglected. Bringing work home to do is a good suggestion to bridge the couple's relationship as well! Thanks for your input =)
|To Jing Yuan| I agree the couple should make it a point to talk about their feelings and expectations. Alternatively, the both of them could try lowering their expectations of each other by having a higher level of understanding and tolerance. Lower expectations would lead to less disappointment and they would also be happier =)
|To Shyn| I agree it is very important to show care and concern the right way. It is a good point that instead of always yearning for concern from the other party, the person can be the one initiating concern instead. Life is like a mirror; most of the time the way people treat us reflects the way we treat others. Thus, we should be the change we want to see. Yes Shiyun, I believe their children can really help in restoring their parents' relationship as well. After all, they are already of sensible age. Thanks for the really thoughtful suggestions!